Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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