I'm lost and stupid without you.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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