pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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