Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
