I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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