You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
