wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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