god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
