there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i think my cat just said my name.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
