I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
even my farts smell like vagina
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
