Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My ATM looks so different sober.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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