apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
