I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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