Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
