I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
