Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This show inspires me to have sex in space
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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