I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
