i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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