Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize