Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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