just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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