U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
