i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
