Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
