Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
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Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
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Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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