I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
