He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
