the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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