hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
