just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
do herpes really smell.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
