$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
