I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
