look no pants
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
