I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
is it fun? or sober?
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