I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
