My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
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I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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