so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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