He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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