she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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