I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
