I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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