My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize