This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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