Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
