just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
