Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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