Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
