If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
