A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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