There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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