dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Randomize
