Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
