So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize