My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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