everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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