dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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