i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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