glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
