Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
