I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
