Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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